his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i think im in europe. pls send help
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
