My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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