the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
