thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
