Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
