I swear she didn't look like that last week.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
