apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
