Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
