im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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