and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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