i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
