he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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