There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
