I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize