my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
