no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
