Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
