I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
