i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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