i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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