I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
