I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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