Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
