'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
