So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
