I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
