There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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