Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
