What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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