I hate all girls vehemently.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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