My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is Oprah even human
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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