and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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