Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
