you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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