Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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