Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
