everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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