Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
