The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
50% drunk capacity currently
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize