You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
