Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
