she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize