He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
