I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
