Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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