so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
