she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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