had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
