It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
