It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
