I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
