The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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