Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
