One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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