I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
