Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize