she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
