it wasn't lemon gatorade
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
