my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
