Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
