I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
