The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
