My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i dont even know how to be here
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
