Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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