yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
