Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
