I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
