just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
